Terrible times in Konoha
by helovestowrite
Summary: Well when Naruto comes back he finds Konoha a little bit more...umm colorful.. Yaoi , Yuri and straight.... read to find out who I like...lol alll right its OOC goodness but its fun OOC so please read or else I'll have to shoot my dog!
1. Chapter 1

Terrible times in Konoha

By the mastermind who brought you the talk show and fishy fishy here's heloves!!!!!:

Heloves: Well its simple I don't own Naruto or else everyone would be offended each and every week.

Hope you all enjoy this crazy story...

Yeah yeah starts off like many stories...

It had been three years since Naruto had left but he couldn't be more excited as he was returning to his home. He was now 16 was tall, mascular and well tanned idiot while Jiraiya was still the same old freak. Anyways they were outside the gates of Konoha chatting.

" Hey pervy sage do you think Sakura would go out with me?" asked Naruto.

" Nah she hates you."

" REALLY??" asked a puppy eyed Naruto.

" No you idiot well let's just go inside."

" Right."

So as soon as they entered the gates they found something really suprising. It was , it was...

" OH MY GOD IS SAKURA MAKING OUT WITH THAT ANKO CHICK??" asked Naruto.

" Yeah yeah must write for next booooooook..." as Jiraiya's nosebleed becomes too much and he passes out.

Then suddenly the two girls come running towards Naruto and Jiraiya.

" Hi Naruto."

" E-E-E llo S-S-Sakura." said Naruto sweatdropping heavingly.

" Naruto I have some good news... I'm gay!!"

With that she kissed her master, Anko.

Naruto could sense the relationship as Sakura is the bitch and Anko is the master so he was not so totally shocked.

" Man I wonder what else he would see that would destroy my world?"

Man he wished he wouldn't have said that cause as soon as he did Sasuke and Neji came out of nowhere holding hands and skipping merrily.

" NARU-KUN YOUR SAFE!!!" said Neji and Sasuke.

" Woah umm... why are you two holding hands??"

" Cause we're in love." said Sasuke loud and proud.

" W-W-WELL THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR!!!" said a nervous Naruto.

" You could join our group Naru-kun." said Neji winking at Naruto.

" First off no thanks ho, next I still love women."

In his mind...

"Thank god for the perverts in my life."

/Yeah kit our your fate would have been terrible./

" Tell me about it."

Back in the real world..

" Well good for you so how's everybody doing?" asked Naruto.

" Well Ino and Shizune are in love also, Shikamaru and Choji are trying to be the first gay couple to get married, oh and also Kiba and Shino are very wild did you know..."

" STOP PLEASE ...just let me know one thing."

" What Naru-kun?" asked Sasuke.

" Who's the woman in your relationship?"

" Well obviously its me." said Neji.

" No I thought I was it." said Sasuke.

" Ok before you get into a gay fight let's just say you both are gay lesbians all right?" said a disturbed Naruto.

" Ok bye Naru-kun!!" and with that the two lovers left.

After a while Naruto had gotten tired of grabbing Jiraiya so he dumped him into the bathroom little did he realise it was the gay bathroom and Jiraiya would pay a hefty price for being perverted.

Naruto was shocked first Anko and Sakura , then Neji and Sasuke with details of the rest till a certain red eyed woman bumped into him.

" Oh sorry ...umm.."

" Oh its Yuuhi Kurenai you know Hinata's sensei?"

" Oh I apologize Kurenai-san I didn't mean to just distracted."

What Naruto had failed to noticed was that she was looking at him with hunger in her eyes to just have her way with him. After all , Asuma was dead as Oroch and most guys were gay these days.

" So umm ... Naru-kun what do you think of these?" with that said Naruto drooled.

" Those mangos look good, Kurenai-san."

" Please call me Kurenai and would you like to taste one?"

" Can't I have both of them at the same time?"

" Sure if you wish."

" Ok thanks."

With that she gave him the two mangos, no you sick perverts , actual mangos geez. Anyways Naruto was walking with Kurenai talking about how somehow Konoha became the gayest village in the nation when out of nowhere he was tackled him.

" NARU-KUN YOUR SAFE!!!" with that said she had a big fan.

" TEMARI WHAT ARE YOU..." but before he could speak she kissed him making Kurenai very jealous.

" What are you doing, Gaara and Kankuro would kill me if they knew you kissed me."

" Thanks."

" What??"

" Oh Naru-kun you know we could have some fun in front of them."

" AHHH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY!!!" with that Naruto ran off to find Tsunade to see if she could help.

To be continued...

P.S. This freaking story came to me in a dream I don't know how but it just did so I had to write it. Don't worry everybody I will be on fanfiction giving a new chapter for each of my stories this week. 


	2. Chapter 2

Terrible times in Konoha...

Kakashi: I own Naruto... in poker!!!

Sakura: I own Naruto... in beating the hell out of him

Sasuke: I own Naruto... in looks

Heloves: I don't own Naruto... in being blind ... hahaha not funny let's move on shall we?

Naruto ran to the Hokage's tower as fast as he could. Things in Konoha were certainly strange. But the next thing he knew he crashed into some guy with a jacket and moe-style hair. It was ... it was..

" Oh sorry for bumping into you like that." said Naruto.

" Its all right dude its all cool... hey your... Naruto welcome back!!" screamed the boy.

" Hi do I know you?" asked Naruto.

" Yeah I used to be Hinata but now I'm Hinato." said Hinato with a boom voice

" W-WHAT!!! Y-Y-YOU C-C-CAN'T B-B-BE..."

" Chillax , Naru-kun, I still love you."

" Hey if you haven't heard I don't swing that way so..." and then Naruto disappeared in a poof.

After ten minutes of running he finally arrived at the Hokage's office.

Naruto could not believe how everything was going for him. It seemed Konoha had turned from a strong green village to a fruity pebbles place.

" I gotta find the old hag to see what's what. Maybe she'll know what's going on." said Naruto.

As Naruto was walking towards Tsunade's office he noticed Shizune on the floor drunk off her ass.

" N-N-Naru-slum ...y-y-you're sbback..." was all that she managed to say before she passed out.

" What in the hell is happening to Konoha?" asked Naruto when all of a sudden someone came crashing through Tsunade's office screaming," Party on dude..."

" Was that Kakashi in a speedo? Eww.. anyways I gotta find out what the hell happened."

As Naruto opened the door he found a very disturbing scene ... Tsunade in a bikini suit.

" Oh hello Naruto welcome back ." as she tried to get close to Naruto he ran to the closest window of her office.

" Baa-chan what the hell is wrong with you and everybody else in this frickin' village?" asked a very angry, scared, and confused Naruto.

" Oh Naru-kun lighten up everyone needed to change from all that moody style of life we used to live now its simple times for us."

" What?? You mean Konoha decided to be weaklings at a time where the Akatsuki and Oroch are on the move?" asked a bewildered Naruto.

" Well... yeah." said Tsunade with a giggle.

" Umm old hag why are you giggling?"

" Oh Naruto your so cute when you try to insult me, that's a way of saying to people you like them."

" Well I do like you but your crazy right now." Naruto tried to consult this to the Hokage.

" Oh come here Naruto give me a hug." said Tsunade with a flirtatious smile.

" Umm... I don't think so ... RUN AWAY!!!" screamed Naruto as he left a huge hole in the wall of the Hokage office.

" Oh well better go back to stretching.." and as Tsunade did so little did she realize she was being spied on by some old farts and a few future perverts.

Meanwhile back with our hero...

Naruto needed to figure out a plan and fast things were getting very weird and as he was running he bumped into his old friend Gaara.

" Naruto why were you running?" asked a curious Gaara.

" Cause I saw some old hag naked but anyways what are you doing here?" asked Naruto.

" Well were here to see your hokage but I noticed that the walls of Konoha were painted like a rainbow is that a joke?" asked Gaara.

" Umm... I wish I was I just got back today and hell I was suprised first I thought Konohamaru did it but then I saw two Anbu guys painting it. They told me that it was an order of the Hokage and well she was... crazy is all I can say." explained Naruto.

Well Gaara, Kankuro were extremely suprised while Temari well she just decided to glomp on Naruto right in front of them...

" WHAT THE HELL NARUTO!!!" screamed Kankuro.

" Wait its not what you think..."

" I allow it. Naruto you may date Temari but keep her safe, got it."

" Oh thank you brothers, come on Naru-kun let's go play!!!" that didn't sound good for Naruto but realized their wasn't anything he could do to escape.

Four hours and two naked people later...

" Man something's wrong Tem-chan and I'm going to find out what it is..."

So Naruto sneaked off leaving the girl covered in his bed..something was messing with Konoha and he needed to find out what...

Heloves: Well that's the story for now y'all..

Tsunade: HELOVES WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!!! YOU PERVERT , A SWIMSUIT!!!

Heloves: Oh oh spaghettios...runs away screaming like a girl!!! 


End file.
